Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
