I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Oh god it's open bar.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
