i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just invented taco cereal.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
