OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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