This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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