it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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