he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I love you.
Bad choice
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
