Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You left your phone here
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