i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
