Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
