I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was confusing and full of hummus
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
