This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
