just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
