evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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