actually, I'm a sock model
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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