the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
