Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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