dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
