Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
