I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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