he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have feelings that need drinking.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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