just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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