dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
