I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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