I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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