There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
