its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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