I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
