I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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