When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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