ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
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I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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