Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
