thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
