Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
