He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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