It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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