I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
