So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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