Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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