I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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