i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck appropriateness.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
