2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
