I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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