ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
