I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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