I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
