sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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