They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
