We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
