he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He shit in the fireplace
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
