Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
