His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
