i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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