I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
