she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The air was thick with penises
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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