Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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