We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
