the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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