Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
