My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
