hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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