Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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