Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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