I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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