I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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