I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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