you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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